I want just to put something out there in encouragement for other struggling writers. When I was younger, a family member frequently told me I would never amount to much, that I was lazy, selfish, careless and self-centered. Someone I adored said crap like that to me on a daily basis. If you tell a child those kinds of hate repeatedly, they eventually believe it, no matter that this is a form of abuse. People who love you and are healthy never tear you down to make themselves feel good.
I believed those words, felt so unlovable, so worthless that my life became mired in depression. Fortunately, for me, I managed to survive that abuse, the abuse of a first marriage and found counselors and doctors who saved me. I was whole enough to find the man of my dreams, marry him, have two fantastic sons.
My message to you is keep searching for people who accept you as the beautiful person you are, who embrace all the loveliness and goodness in your heart. Don’t give into the darkness that says you’re less, that you don’t deserve happiness. That there’s no one out there for you. Life is full of crazy, mean bullies, and you never have to put up with them, even if they are family, even if they claim to be a friend but hurt you.
Writing began as a way to explore the fantasy world I escaped to get away from abuse, until I let someone take even that away. Now I use my writing to create worlds where people overcome sadness and defeat, not with magical axes or mirrors, but with love and hope.
I hope and wish you find the muse you own, not to let the bullies and unbelievers take away your joy. Be the hero of your life and keep fighting for what makes you happy. Write in every scrap of a moment you can steal, find like-minded other writers who can help on the journey, protect the creative fire that burns brightly within you, and put words down no matter what.